At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
