i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
