oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
