hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
