I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
