so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
