Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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