the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
