Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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