My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
