I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
