there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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