it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
