Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
