I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
