just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
