Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
