dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
