home. puking in laundry basket.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
