I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
