just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize