If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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