I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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