shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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