you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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