p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
