Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Send help, water and tortillas.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
