Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
