Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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