i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I will pee on everything he values.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The Olympian is in my bed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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