no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
