If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
