Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
