So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
