I just cut my nipple shaving
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
