I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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