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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for

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• (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.

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• (831): View more from California

  My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.

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• (415): View more from California

  you should be awarded for your promiscuity.

  (1-415): View more from California

  i really should.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.

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• (914): View more from New York

  if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there

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• (408): View more from California

  I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.

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