Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize