he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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