proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I touched a dick in church today
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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