I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
