census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
