K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
