Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
