You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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