3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
