The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
