I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
