We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
