my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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