I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
