i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
