Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
