You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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