If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
