..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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