So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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