what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
