Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's get the cat blown out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize