Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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