Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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