will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
